From :

Date: 18th January 2011 AD, 08:54 GMT

To :


WTF? Thought I’d told you the morons weren’t supposed to hear about the Howson deal until April? FFS can’t I trust you to do anything!! Consider your Metro pass and executive bathroom key revoked with immediate effect. Was going to get a slap up dinner for the missus and me with Delia if we kept that one quiet – you’ve ruined that you nincompoop.

As per the norm, please ensure transfer funds get banked to Teak Holdings, and while we’re on that – where’s my F**king rent you idiot? You know I use that account with my Dom Perignan supplier, got turfed out when he found out i could only afford 14 crates of the stuff this week – There isn’t a majestic wine warehouse in Monaco you idiot – get it sorted.

I’m also waiting for the latest uptake figures on Project Meccano. We should be flush now with that YTS kid off our wages and on his way to the bumpkins, so for catering in Chateau Custard this weekend I’m thinking 15 Gross of Russian Caviar, Some Californian Condor Eggs – Say 300? We could have an ‘Endangered Omelette special’ Yeah I like that – get me some Bird of Paradise Eggs too – the wife loves those – little tweeting b*stards.

I note your concerns that only 14 people are booked in to watch us play Burnley this Tuesday night – but its money well spent isn’t it? If you come up short, sell that Scottish lad – well sell them both, never really liked the Scottish – all a bit bolshy for my liking, and prone to going on strike.

Lastly I keep getting emails from that idiot Grayson – didn’t like him on the generation game – and don’t like him now – I mean I pay him £15,000 a year, he said it was his dream job, and apparently he now expects me to spend some of my money on some ridiculous football team?! Just make sure he doesn’t send me any more messages will you. I employed Taff Williams to find all our players – who the hell does Grewson, think he is?

Yours in hate


Written by Matthew Brown-Bolton