LUFC: Ten things we’ve learnt this week #6 TSS October 22, 2010 Leeds United 45 Comments #01 – No surprises in player of decade poll There were no real surprises in The Scratching Shed’s player of the decade poll as Lucas Radebe won with 61% of the vote. In second place was Gary Kelly with 14% who just pipped Jermaine Beckford into third place (13%). #02 – Leeds United cost Strachan his job Gordon Strachan’s reign as Middlesbrough boss was ended by his former club, as Leeds United hammered the final nail into the Scot’s coffin with an easy 2-1 win at the Riverside. #03 – Delusional Boro fans receive wake-up call Several posts on popular Middlesbrough fan site, ComeonBoro.com were met with complete derision by myself and many other Leeds United fans as the Teesiders claimed an intense rivalry was set to be renewed. Another week, another imagined rivalry it may have been, but it was hard to resist an opportunity to reply. Similar replies were found on Leeds United forums and blogs across the internet, forcing Boro fans to realise that we care about them just as little as the Geordies and the Mackam’s do. #04 – Leicester City stun Leeds Sitting 22nd in the Championship before kick-off, it was hard to foresee the comprehensive victory that would follow for Sven Goren Eriksson’s men who looked like the home team as they sent the Leeds players dizzy with a passing game that wasn’t dissimilar to Arsenal’s. The result was a 2-1 home defeat as the 2010-11 ups and downs continue for Leeds United. #05 – Leeds fans quickly lose perspective Despite the general consensus agreeing that mid-table would be a good finish in pre-season, not all Leeds United fans are happy with the 10th spot we currently reside in. After defeat at home to Leicester City, the Whites fans showed all the emotional consistency of a pregnant woman by quickly turning the inquest onto Simon Grayson, with some suggesting that his days are numbered. #06 – Blame it on the Grayson As the pointed fingers moved from individual players to the manager, the Leeds United fans did remind us here at The Scratching Shed of a Simon Grayson confidence level poll we ran back in early May. Back then, the confidence fans had in Grayson was 73%, despite an inconsistent run of form that saw us clinging on to automatic promotion by the skin of our teeth. That earlier poll provides us with the ideal comparison figure to run the exact same poll a few months later and see how things have changed. Early indications don’t look good for the Gaffer. #07 – Kasper the friendly keeper It seems that our superb Danish keeper shares more than just a name with the popular friendly ghost – he also possesses the ability to disappear without trace! Since injuring his foot a few weeks back, Leeds United have said very little about the fate of our number one stopper leaving fans with little else to do but speculate. Here at TSS HQ, we have it on good authority that Kasper is in Daneland undergoing an urgent medical procedure that will replace the matter he’s been using to stop the ball from simply passing straight through him. We wish him well… #08 – Dom Matteo banned from Elland Road Pure speculation on my part, but after suggesting Ken Bates needs to (wait for it)… (deep breathe if you’re reading this Ken)… (brace yourself) … “spend money on players!” It can only be a matter of time before Santa’s evil twin bans the scorer of a great San Siro goal from Elland Road. We’ll miss you Dom, but you should have learned from the Guardian’s mistakes that the freedom of speech is strictly forbade at Leeds United. #09 – How the other half live This week, I took MG from Clarke One Nil up on the offer to write a piece on Life After Bates for the dark-side… I mean, other side… Whilst there, I couldn’t pass-up the opportunity to snoop around C.O.N HQ to see how the other half live and what I can reveal is that it’s an extremely sinister and dark dungeon type-world, where moderators work tirelessly to the beat of an old battle drum. Failure to co-operate with the one known as ‘Grumpy Older Man’ results in a relentless whipping from demon-like creatures referred to only as ‘minions.’ Throughout my stay, I was subjected to an oppressive heat that seemed to be coming from the earth’s core. The heat was so intense that I began to hallucinate. At one point, I swear I saw Jermaine Beckford and Mark Viduka chained to a wheel that turned thousands of rusted cogs and powered a machine labelled ‘Project X’. I’m joking of course (honest). Those hallucinations did seem incredibly real mind you…? #10 – Wayne Rooney is a moron Finally this week, we learnt that Wayne Rooney is an absolute moron as he decided to remain at Old Trafford and sink with the rest of the ship. We wish them haste in their endeavour.