Lucas Radebe testimonial 02-05-05

A player from the Leeds United Ladies is subbed on during Radebe’s testimonial prompting the crowd to respond with a chorus of;

“Ten men… we’ve only got ten me…”

Histon v Leeds United 30-11-08

Whilst Histon were busy causing the biggest FA Cup upset of the round, the fans took time out to comment on ITV’s live coverage. The commentators professionalism (seen here in this YouTube clip) earns it a place on this list.

Leeds United v Manchester United 14-09-2002

David Beckham was as popular as ever with the Leeds United faithful, as was his wafer thin wife;

“Oh… Posh Spice is a slapper,
“She f**king hates Manu
“And when she’s f**king Beckham,
“She thinks of Harry Kewell.”

There were various incarnations of this chant around the Premier League with different players names used and the verses altered to rhyme. The Leeds version also altered with the second line sang as ‘she wears a big fat jewel’ and other Leeds players such as Danny Mills used instead of Kewell.

Other popular Posh Spice songs include “Posh Spice takes it up the ****” – something both herself and David Beckham categorically denied in an interview with current affairs commentator, Ali G.

TSS recording studios (earlier today)

Hardly unique, but cover songs always sell well. This one is in honour of our very own answer to Jonny Wilkinson and to the tune of ‘That’s Amore’;

“When you’re sat in row z, and the ball hits your head… that’s our Bradley!”

Destined for the number one spot, I’m sure you’ll agree?

Leeds United v TV coverage

Thinly disgusted envy aimed at the fans bright enough to stay at home in the warmth, whilst those of us inside the stadium freeze to death watching another fine example of second-class football.

“If you’re watching this on tele, you’re a c*nt”

Leeds United v Peter Schmeichel

When son-of-scum, Kasper Schmeichel joined the Leeds United family it put the Elland Road faithful in an awkward situation. Fans of the Whites are genetically coded to hate anything and anyone associated with Manchester United, so when the son of their greatest goalkeeper arrived it was important to set the record straight;

“Your Dad’s a c*nt, but you’re alright!”

Job done!

Everyone v Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink

Even the Leeds fans had to laugh when various teams started to chant about our favourite striker;

“You’re just a fat Eddie Murphy”

Leeds v Brighton

I don’t imagine there’s many teams that don’t pick up on Brighton’s prestigious ‘Gay Capital of the UK’ title;

“We can see you holding hands!”

“Does your boyfriend know you’re here?”

There’s plenty more too, all of which are equally as amusing and five times as crude.

Leeds fans v Poorly supported away teams

“You could have come on a skateboard/in a taxi/in a tractor… etc…”

A couple of contributions from Facebook & Twitter

Dominico on Facebook

“We all dream of a team of Brian Deane’s… a team of Brian Deane’s…”

“There’s only one Carlton Palmer, and he smokes Marujana”

Lee on Facebook

When Graham Le Saux bottles a 50/50 challenge with Alan Smith, the Leeds fans respond with;

“Le Saux just sh*t himself… Le Saux just sh*t himself…”

Football fans v Marriage

Finally, this one has absolutely nothing to do with Leeds United but does stand as the funniest football chant I’ve ever heard. When a man proposes to his wife at half-time, 30,000 fans give him fair warning;

“You don’t know what you’re doing, you don’t know what you’re doing…”

Any more?

As I said at the beginning of the post, it’s difficult to remember all the chants I’ve heard over the years so if you can think of some that I’ve missed please add them below.

Credit where it’s due though. For a team that’s just lost ten in a row and look like they’re already relegated, Stockport were determined to make life as hard as possible for Leeds United. Had it not been for one of the most pathetic defences I’ve ever seen and a goalkeeper determined not to leave his line, Stockport could have become only the second team this season to beat Leeds United.

First things first – the pitch. I can’t describe how bad it was. Within minutes of kick-off it started to tear up and was somewhat reminiscent of Histon’s last year. Fair’s fair though, the game came close to being postponed due to the weather conditions lately and had it not been for the efforts of the Stockport fans and ground-staff, we wouldn’t have been playing at all. Besides, I played on enough bad pitches as a youngster, as I’m sure the pro’s did and we still managed to have a game.

Within the first two minutes Leeds had already turned Stockport’s defence inside out and Snodgrass fired us into the lead. Three defenders were around Snoddy as he advanced on goal, but none of them put a tackle in and Snodgrass was allowed to shoot from just outside the box. His shot deflected off the foot of one of the defenders, wrong-footing the keeper and giving Leeds a dream start. 0-1, and things were going as expected.

Stockport soon equalised though when one of their stand-out players, Carl Baker – who, incidentally is leaving them next week – went on an unchallenged run towards the Leeds goal. Eventually he was stopped by the Leeds defence, but only at the cost of a free-kick, from which County equalised. Baker took the free-kick himself, firing it low into the bottom corner, via another deflection from the Leeds wall. 1-1, and before anyone points any fingers, there was nothing Casper could have done about it.

Both keepers were kept busy as the teams exchanged blows. Bradley Johnson came closest for Leeds when his volleyed shot came back off the bar. Becchio also thought he’d scored just after the half hour mark, but the linesman decided he’d used his hand to control the ball. As half-time approached, Leeds enjoyed the better of the match but never pressured Stockport’s weak defence enough for me.

The second half started with both teams having chances, but it was Stockport who would take the lead just after the hour mark. A corner taken short from Stockport, was whipped towards the back post from the edge of the area where Leeds’ defence was once again missing and Mullins converted to give County a rare moment of celebration. After losing ten in a row, this wasn’t what the league leaders were expecting, nor were the home sides fans who were in total euphoria.

Simon Grayson made two changes shortly afterwards in search of more ideas upfront. The most important change was undoubtedly Max Gradel, who the Leeds fans had already called for. He replaced Robert Snodgrass and immediately started to torment Stockport’s fragile defence. Howson was also brought on for Doyle.

It took just five minutes for the equaliser and it was Patrick Kisnorbo with an unexpected assist. His cross found Jermaine Beckford who headed home brilliantly to restore parity. Who said Beckford was rubbish in the air? 2-2.

Gradel was busy running the Stockport defence ragged and Grayson made his final change replacing Lucciano Becchio with Tresor Kandol. The better chances were going Leeds’ way by now as Stockport looked happy to take a point.

Relying on such a poor defence was County’s downfall and ultimately cost them points as Max Gradel’s cross was poorly cleared, landing nicely for Leigh Bromby who struck beautifully on the half volley to send Leeds back infront with just two minutes remaining. 2-3. Queue a hysterical celebration from Bromby, who clearly hadn’t rehearsed anything in training.

County tried to chase the game and get themselves a point, but the World’s greatest time-waster, Casper Ankergren had other ideas. When the ball went out for a Leeds goal-kick in the dying moments, Casper did his usual routine of lining the ball up, walking back slowly, re-aligning the ball, walking back slowly again, knocking the mud off his boots on the post… etc… etc. Understandably annoyed by Casper’s antics, one of the Stockport fans behind his goal launched a snowball at him, for what had to be the funniest moment of the match.

Casper’s time-wasting proved to be irrelevant though as Jermaine Beckford wrapped things up in injury. Tresor Kandol played him in and although his shot was a little tame, it found it’s way under the County keeper to secure the win for Leeds. 2-4, job done. Beckford clearly enjoying himself again and everything rosy once more in the Leeds United camp.

Whilst the goalscoring had finished, the totally inept referee who had been handing yellow’s out like they were Christmas cards decided to go one better by sending off a County player. His challenge on Gradel wasn’t the best admittedly, but they’d already lost the game and Gradel was fine so I simply can’t see what the sending off achieved. 

Clearly one of those ref’s that was adamant the fans came to watch him rather than the football, he managed a total of eight yellow cards (six for Leeds) and one red. An impressive haul by anyones standards. His final booking was one of those rare moments I agreed with though. Patrick Kisnorbo - who’d otherwise had a relatively good game - decided to shout at David Poole as he was leaving the pitch. A stupid thing to do as the player had already been sent off and seen his team go from in front to two behind and was probably feeling bad enough already. Kis received a yellow card for his antics, but it could easily have been red with the way the cards had been dished out.

This was a poor game by our standards. We weren’t great defensively and never pressured a weak Stockport defence enough. The conditions didn’t help as players slipped all over so Leeds were never able to really take control.

Stockport deserve credit mind. Considering they’re struggling as much as they are it was a spirited display from them, but Leeds have more talent at their disposal. Having the luxury of being able to bring on Max Gradel, who can change games in seconds, is something most teams don’t have. Thankfully, we got the job done and end the year with a victory.

Elsewhere, Charlton could only manage a draw, so Leeds will start the New Year eight points clear at the top of League One. Back across the Pennines next for Leeds, who will be playing a largely unheard of team from Salford in the FA Cup.

UP – The revival

Gary McAllister’s reign as Leeds United boss came to an end after five straight defeats, which included the embarrassing exit from the FA Cup away to lowly Histon. Simon Grayson quickly identified the flaws, strengthening the defence and inspiring a new confidence in Leeds United that led them on a remarkable run, ending the season just five points off the automatic spots in position for another dice roll in the play-offs.

DOWN – More playoff heartache

The reborn Leeds United appeared almost untouchable under Simon Grayson’s leadership, but our second attempt at escape from League One via the play-offs ended once more in heartache for the Whites. This time, we went out in the semi-finals to Millwall 2-1 on aggregate. Clearly, the only way to escape League One for Leeds United was automatic promotion and Grayson was under no illusions that that’s what we needed in 2009/10.

DOWN – Villa make Fabulous signing

After weeks of rumours, the inevitable sale of Fabian Delph was finally confirmed. Leeds United’s brightest prospect was to be sold to Aston Villa and with his exit, the Leeds fans feared we’d taken a step backwards and this showed a lack of ambition from the current board. The fans were spirits were temporarily lifted when Bates left us under the impression the money would be used to help repurchase Thorp Arch. Another ‘down’ in waiting as the board screwed us royally again, the funds vanished and the training complex’s deadline would pass without repurchase.

UP – Fresh faces, fresh start, fresh approach

With almost no money spent on the transfer market whatsoever, Leeds fans feared the worst as the new campaign got underway. The players Grayson had brought in for nothing however proved to be more than capable, especially Patrick Kisnorbo and Shane Higgs who strengthened the defence massively and led Leeds to the longest unbeaten run in the country.

Whilst leading the team to the top of League One looking like we were in second gear for much of it, Grayson also smashed two of Don Revie’s records. The first would come early doors when Grayson’s team won their first eight consecutive games breaking a record that had stood since 1973.

UP – Fortress Elland Road

Another record breaker for Grayson as his side won fifteen consecutive matches at Elland Road. Impressive in it’s own right, but possibly surpassed by the current run of remaining unbeaten at home for almost a year (and counting).

UP – Cup kings

Early in the season Grayson’s team secured a showpiece Elland Road clash against the mighty Liverpool in the League Cup. Whilst none of us expected to win the game, the Whites came close and ran Liverpool ragged for 90 minutes. A simply brilliant display from the lads, who were unlucky to eventually lose 1-0.

Meanwhile, in other competitions Leeds United are set for a trip to Old Trafford to start the new year with a rekindled rivalry against Manchester United. We’re also well on course for a trip to Wembley in the JPT if we can overcome Carlisle United in the regional final. I’m still unsure as to whether the mighty Simon Grayson can turn around our fortunes at Wembley, but I’ll try and remain optimistic should the chance arise.

DOWN – The Jermaine Beckford saga

The endless rumours surrounding Jermaine Beckford have been a constant area of media attention for Simon Grayson. Whilst reassurances have been made again and again by the board and manager, the national rags can’t resist linking him with every club in need of a few goals.

Beckford may have made the decision to sell a little easier for Leeds United though. They’ve said all along that should a ‘ridiculous offer’ come in, then they’d have to consider it, but as it stands he’d be at Leeds until the summer. His antics against Southampton, where he sulked off the pitch and down the tunnel seem to have turned even more fans against him though and a transfer could well be inevitable.

UP – It’s going to be a White Christmas

Victory over Southampton put Leeds United four clear at the top of League One with a game in hand on Alan Pardew’s chasing Charlton Athletic. It also put Leeds well beyond the halfway point in expected points to win the League and the Whites’ sit comfortably on 50 points having played 21 games. This time last year, Leicester City topped the table with 47 points.

Leeds have only lost once in League One so far this season and will head the table on Christmas day, just like Leicester City did last season. Simon Grayson’s record so far at Leeds United speaks for itself. Of the 57 games he’s took charge of for the Whites, Leeds have won 38 with an overall success rate of 73%. Even the legendary Don Revie couldn’t top that with his record standing at 62%. Of course, the sample size is much smaller and they competed in different leagues at different times, but under Grayson we seem to be going from strength to strength.

UP – In Grayson we trust

I hope Grayson has a chance to look back on his first year in charge and celebrate everything he’s achieved so far. His performance as Leeds United manager has been remarkable and he’s been the answer to every Leeds United fans prayers. A lifelong Leeds fan himself, he knows exactly what the fans expect and is striving to deliver. I congratulate him on his progress so far and hope he continues to build upon that success. Marching on together!

Once a season is more than enough to visit the freezingly cold home of Oldham Athletic, but since we drew them away in the cup, tonight will be Leeds’ second (and hopefully last) visit of the season.

I’ll follow Leeds United anywhere. From Kettering to Histon, Milan to Istanbul, it makes no odds to me. It’s become a bit of an addiction whereby I need to be at any Leeds United game or it’ll drive me insane. Coincidentally, the last game I actually missed was the first time we went to Oldham this season in the cup. My better half was ill so I had to stay at home or I’d have never heard the end of it. Although I wasn’t there, I didn’t miss a second. I watched every second of the match live on the FA’s website, spent much of the game texting people that were there and was quite simply in my own world throughout.

It’s an uncurable addiction that’s probably slighlty insane, but we all have it to some extent. You know it’s an addiction when you book tickets for a stadium that is so cold, the thought alone sends shivers down my spine. Exposed to the elements thanks to a missing stand and right on the edge of the Pennines, the fans of Oldham often have to endure a swirling, bitterly cold, frosty wind that seemingly never lets up. A night game too, oh joy! It came as no suprise to me at all that the Oldham ground staff had the covers on the pitch last night to prevent frost. Take it as a warning lads and wrap up warm tonight. Hopefully it’ll be our final visit.

Kettering Town replay shown live on ITV4

For those of you that can’t make Elland Road next Tuesday for the FA Cup Second Round replay, ITV4 will be showing it live. The announcement means Leeds United will have had three consecutive FA Cup matches shown live so far this season. Clearly, we’re just more interesting than everyone else!

Mad Max going nowhere, warn Leicester

Leicester City manager Nigel Pearson has warned Leeds United that “Mad” Max Gradel will be going nowhere and stresses the loan is only to keep the wingers fitness levels up while his chances remain limited in Leicester’s first team.

If he isn’t going to get in the Leicester team then it seems a little harsh for Pearson to stop him moving elsewhere, although i fully understand why he’d want to keep him. I doubt this will be the end of it either way. If Max wants to leave, then there’s little anyone can do to stop him. I’d expect him to remain at Elland Road until the end of the season and his future will be decided then.

Welcome Gledders!

Gledders has been contributing to TSS now for quite some time, but has recently taken up a more regular role and already contributed a few new posts.

I hope you all enjoy Gledders contributions to the site. Although Gledders is under no commitment to contribute, his addition will no doubt bring with it more content for TSS and hopefully help build upon the sites success.

Not much of a match report today as the majority of you will have watched it on ITV and I’m ready for a few well deserved pints in the hotel bar, but for those other soggy and cold Leeds United fans that travelled alongside me today, the real joy came from the third round draw that followed the game.

The performance from Leeds wasn’t bad by any means, but Kettering’s determined defence and goalkeeper-come-manager nearly led to a repeat of Histon last season. One moment of poor defending and hapless goalkeeping from Casper Ankergren led to the mistake that put Leeds United 1-0 down. Unlike last year, I didn’t feel like we were out despite conceeding pretty late on. This Leeds United team doesn’t give in and Jermaine Beckford’s equaliser came as no suprise to me at all.

My major concern is how obvious Casper’s flaws were for the entire country to see. If you’re going to come out and punch the ball, there’s no room for error and once again, Casper made one. It’s so terrifying to watch any team get an attacking set-play against Leeds when he’s in goal that I’m sure the anxiety I’ve been subjected to must be having an adverse affect on my health.

Overall though, Leeds dominated as expected. One moment of madness can’t detract from the fact that Kettering’s goalkeeper performed miracles and their defence performed exceptionally. For a club in so much turmoil, their performance should inspire real belief in the side. Once more, Leeds’ heads didn’t drop either, which is a massive plus for me. We carried on fighting and got a well deserved equaliser which takes it to a replay at Elland Road. A replay that’s value to Kettering alone will be massive, but with the added lure of Manchester United, it’ll no doubt be competitive too. The biggest game of Kettering’s existence perhaps?

As much as I’m looking forward to a premature return to Sold Trafford, we’re back in action in the League on Tuesday away to Oldham Athletic and that’s where the concentration must be for now. Still, I’ve had more phonecalls from glory hunting “friends” now that it’s hard not to get carried away! I bet Kenneth’s counting the pennies already.