I know this is a ridiculous notion, and will be incredibly difficult for some fans to grasp, but for the sake of argument let’s ‘pretend’ football is a business.

Let’s pretend that emotions don’t play a part. That we’re blessed with rationally minded supporters, and equally rational owners.

Let’s ‘pretend’ that, as a business, we’re no different from Barclays, French Connection, Spar or Phones4U.

Let’s pretend for a moment that I’m a young, incredibly handsome individual – not a huge leap, I assure you – looking for a competitive mortgage. I shop around a little and decide on Barclays, who I feel on balance, offer the best deal.

I’m about to sign with Barclays when my phone rings. It’s HSBC, and they’ve got a better deal for me. Unfortunately, I’ve already told Barclays I’m going to take my mortgage with them. Sure, HSBC are offering a far better deal, but a man is only as good as his word, right?

Wrong. As good as my word may be, it counts for nothing. I’d be a complete idiot to sign with Barclays at this point. I’d rather be the man who didn’t make his decisions based on some stupid philosophy and a misguided sense of loyalty – I’d rather be the rational man that accepted HSBC’s offer.¬†And I’m sure the rest of you would too.

A moment of clarity allows me to make the right choice. I go with HSBC and sleep easily, knowing I’m thousands of pounds better off as a result. I don’t care if Barclays are a little disappointed, they’re a business who didn’t offer the best deal. They’ll get over it.

However, three months later Barclays announce a new game-changing offer. “Switch your mortgage to Barclays…” they say “…and you’ll save thousands!”

A couple of forms, ten minutes in the bank and once again, I’ll be a little better off. I’m not an idiot, I know a good deal when I see it. I have no loyalty to HSBC, we have a business arrangement that no longer suits me.

So off to Barclays I go, smiling all the way there thinking about how I can spend that extra bit of cash I’m about to save. Unbeknown to me however, Barclays policy is that they don’t accept custom from people who snubbed them previously. Damn, is my face red now!

“By choosing HSBC when a contract with us was ready to be signed, you better God damn believe it’s personal” explains the clerk. “B-b-but it’s just business, I was just trying to get the best deal” I respond. “Tough!” the clerk yells. “This is Barclays Bank…” she declares proudly “…and no one rejects us!”

Walking away, tail firmly wedged between my legs, I can’t help wonder if Barclays is being somewhat mismanaged. Sure, I snubbed them for HSBC, but they offered the better deal – that’s my prerogative as the customer, right? But now I’m back and begging Barclays to let me become their asset. In the end, they got what they wanted – we both did.

Doesn’t matter that I stand to become their asset and that they could potentially make thousands from me. I offended poor Barclays, and as a result, they will reject me as a customer forever more. I’m no longer good enough for them. What an idiot I’ve been!

Slowly arriving at a point, I promise 

Of course, the above is nothing more than a poorly crafted analogy. Barclays would never turn away a potential asset due to a personal grudge – no business would. It’s the same reason Adidas don’t turn away customers wearing Nike trainers, or KFC don’t turn down people with a McDonald’s shake in their hands.

Imagine walking into Sainsbury’s and being told they no longer sold Carling because the delivery driver decided to go to Tesco first. It would be a ridiculous state of affairs and the business would suffer as a consequence. Not only would they lose money, it would also reflect badly on them – no one wants to deal with such pettiness.

“But a footballer isn’t a customer, he’s an employee” I hear you cry. Yes and no. A footballer is more an asset than anything else since his contract directly relates not only to the value of your club, but the success of the business itself. Much like myself as a customer for Barclays/HSBC, the value of the business increases based on their assets. This isn’t personal, you can’t hold grudges, there is absolutely no room for emotion – not if you want to succeed anyway.

Yet for some reason, this doesn’t seem to matter in football. The fact Jason Puncheon ALLEGEDLY turned us down for a better opportunity at QPR – and it was a better opportunity considering they offered more money and a higher class of football – means he’s no longer welcome says Mr. Chairman.

And it’s not just Ken Bates that shares this view, so too do legions of Leeds United fans who have taken to Twitter to share “good on yer Kenny Boy” comments. Apparently, no one turns Leeds United down twice.

I can only presume this means Alan Smith is no longer welcome, or Rickie Lambert, or Billy Sharp, all of whom have turned down a chance to play for Leeds in the past. You don’t turn us down twice after all.

Regardless of whether you’re a quality asset who could genuinely benefit the business, you missed your chance. You rejected poor Leeds United once before for a better offer and now you think we’ll give you another chance? You bleeding mug.

So tomorrow morning Shaun Harvey plans to approach Lionel Messi, David Silva, James Milner and a whole host of top transfer targets offering them a once in a lifetime chance to play for Leeds United. Because clearly, we’re that big. Reject us now at your peril, for if we ever become remotely successful again, Leeds United do not give second chances. You have been forewarned.