The Scratching Shed is proud to announce the forthcoming release of our first book, The Leeds United Kama Sutra.

A modern adaptation of the classic Hindu sex manual, The Leeds United Kama Sutra is packed full of “slow arousal” techniques.

With the experience and wisdom of Ken Bates, The Leeds United Kama Sutra can also provide you with “plenty of foreplay” ideas to ensure you’re royally screwed each and every time you visit Elland Road.

The Leeds United Kama Sutra will be available exclusively from the giant hole in the side of the East Stand and comes fully laminated to ensure lasting pleasure.

Sorry, it was a slow news day… 

  • Mark

    Do you have any suggestions for making the east stand hole smaller? As you get older elasticity isnt what it was, and it can make us older sex fans very self consious.

    • TSS

      As disturbed as I am by that comment, I can't really complain since I set myself up for such a reaction

  • mattbb1

    brilliant… does it included a fully bearded Ken `showing the ropes' to the intrepid reader in technicolour inside?

    • TSS

      Oh yes, there are plenty of fully illustrated guides inside. Shaun Harvey makes a couple of guest appearances too as a pizza delivery boy, a gimp and a plumber.

  • Mark

    Ive ordered my Ken Bates lube from the club shop, but someone says its very abrasive and doesnt stop all the friction, just like the man himself. If so i ll ask for a refund, like mad maggs.

  • Cas White

    Hmmm. Expect a call from a very nice but unamused lawyer.

  • Ken Bates Kama Sutra screwing Leeds fans painfully & slowly for years & without lube

    Chairman's choice favorite position is the BOHICA which explained simply is Bend Over Here it Comes Again!

  • Mark

    Thats the one! Do they do them in leeds colours? I want it made a lot smaller before the Palace game

    • The mind boggles!

      • A welsh friend of mine once told me about the wolfbag. Maybe that would help you. Although never tried it myself so can't guarantee its effectiveness.

  • Matthew

    I don't think Ken Bates realises that all people want from him in regards to the team, is to keep our best players, strengthen areas of weakness and to quit overcharging on tickets. No ones asking him to speand Leicester esq money. The guy would get some credit if he just listened, and invested a few million on the team every season.

  • number1inyorkshire

    he is our pimp old gray beard "we are paying him money to get f!%#ed up hill and down dale

  • Mersey Whites

    People keep mentioning that are ticket prices are so overpriced.. But is this reality….

    Believe I know how expensive going to watch a game has become, from when I first went to ER.

    I think it was the Daily Telegraph listed the most expensive tickets in the Championship and we came in 8th place for tickets and i think 10th overall when it came to Food and merchandise etc.
    If that is true then we might think we are being overcharged , but maybe its because we play in front of 25,000 every week.

    And we see 15,000 empty seats and believe that if they where cheaper the stadium would be full, also a myth probably.

    Did anyone else see the publication in the paper and is my recollection correct.

  • Nick

    Haha, this looks erotic and informative

  • derbyshirewhite

    TSS – a prize for anyone having 'Bates 69' on the back of the new away strip?

  • mattbb1

    just vile

  • Colin

    Is there a Kindle version?

    • TSS

      We fear any spillage caused by the pleasure this book will invariably bring, may damage the electronics

  • ls10

    this book cums second in the instant gratification stakes, losing by a very small margin to dwarf and clown porn.

  • Tim Campbell

    I hear Mr Chairman is holidaying near niagra this year. I just know theres a joke in there somewhere but i'm damned if i can find it lol