Hull City – Who the f***ing hell are you? TSS February 1, 2011 Leeds United 17 Comments Riverside mansion in Hull The Scratching Shed has been inundated with emails from confused Leeds United fans wondering who this Hull City team we’re playing tonight is? It’s no surprise the confusion is so rife when our NewsNow feed is hijacked by the Tigers (ra, ra, ra) official site telling us that ‘Pride’ is at stake! As an independent and totally unbiased (well… sort of…) source of Leeds United news and opinion, we felt it was imperative we addressed this issue and provided confused Whites fans with a little background information on tonight’s opposition. Our fearless roaming reporter brought us this; “On first impressions, you could be mistaken for thinking Hull is a cross between Alabama and Little Britain. Second and third impressions would back-up those thoughts… “The local population is predominantly mid-twenties males wearing hooded tops who walk with their heads down, presumably to avoid ‘outsiders’ like myself from staring at their rotting teeth and unusual facial features. “Hull fans favourite past time (aside from queueing at the dole office) appears to be comparing themselves to Leeds United, for whom they are eternally jealous of. “The small-time inferiority complex seems to have been boosted by a brief – and largely insignificant – spell in the Premier League, which they remind anyone who’ll listen of at every available opportunity. “This brief spell in England’s top flight has also boosted their delusional expectations quite remarkably. Whilst impartial observers like myself can see Hull City will inevitably drop back into the lower tiers where they belong, the supporters insist that the Premier League has a place for Hull City and that they’ll be back in no time. I’m sure Manchester United, Chelsea et al can’t wait. “As I made my way out of Hull, longing for the 21st century luxuries residents of Leeds take for granted (like electricity, running water and jobs), I was struck with the realisation that this town needs our help much more than the people in Africa. “And with that in mind, I called Bono to arrange a concert…” The Scratching Shed apologises for anyone affected by this truly tear-jerking report. Donations to Bono’s latest mission to “Save the ‘Ull” can be sent to Department for Work and Pensions who will be sure to pass it on in some form of benefit or another.