Community service

When news broke yesterday that an arrest warrant had been issued for Robert Snodgrass after he failed to attend court in Scotland for the second time, I couldn’t help but wander if this was the standard kick-in-the-balls we take at least once a season.

This is hardly Majestyk-Gate, but I always worry the judge will go a little over-the-top with professional footballers and “set an example” for others to ignore. And we are Leeds United so the judge will consider it karma.

His crime is the stuff Carry On films were made of – ‘Parking on a Pelican crossing.’ If this wasn’t Leeds United, you’d think it was too funny to be true. I mean, how exactly do you miss a Pelican crossing? They’re designed to stand-out and be elaborate so that we don’t run over the pedestrians that are inconveniently walking over them.

Based on the evidence of his precision passing and crossing skills we see every week, I think we can safely rule out poor eye-sight. I assume he has a driving license, or he’d be facing much bigger charges, so we can also rule out a lack of education as pelican crossings definitely came up when I took my test.

Then there’s missing court. Once is unacceptable and will do nothing to help you, but twice is quite frankly taking the p***. Does Snodgrass think he’s so far above the law that he can park on Pelican crossings and fail to attend court, just because he’s a footballer and earns more than the rest of Scotland combined?

The club’s official excuse that “there was a mix-up” isn’t helping matters either. What kind of reaction do they expect from the judge?

“Oh well, that’s understandable. Remembering dates is pretty tricky, especially for irrelevant little things like a court appearance. If only there was some kind of chart that listed individual dates in order and gave you space to write down little reminders…”

I feel a Dragon’s Den appearance may be in the pipeline…