Campaign poster

Since TenForKen have vanished without trace, we decided that TSS should lead a new effort to oust that troublesome scamp, Ken Bates from Elland Road.

Refreshingly, our approach offers a reasonable argument (sort of) as to why he should take on the bigger responsibility of Prime Minister (whilst conveniently, leaving Leeds in peace).

It wasn’t because we couldn’t think of a tenth (honest) but to further set us apart from the people of TenForKen, we also gave our list just NINE reasons! Clever, huh?

#9 – Ken Bates could build his hotel on the back of 10 Downing Street. A move that is bound to bring in more guests than his planned Meccano plans for Beeston.

#8 – Bates is not dissimilar to the current Prime Minister, and indeed his predecessor in that he’s already hated by the majority and is massively out of touch with the people.

#7 – A master of financial stability, Bates took Chelsea from the brink of extinction to… well, the brink of extinction. But Bates was already savvy in the art of ‘the bail out’ as he brought in a Russian Oil thug to take them off his hands (for a reasonable fee of course).

#6 – Without lifting a finger, Bates would already secure an instant vote winner in Yorkshire by finally getting the Chelsea out of Leeds.

#5 – A controversial point no doubt, but with Bates spending most of his time in Monaco, it would give the Deputy PM (Shaun Harvey) some time in the limelight. Through this entirely selfless act, Bates would be helping the next generation of politicians to develop into the unpopular, out-of-touch leaders they will one day become.

#4 – An excellent leader on the world stage, Bates’ most recent interview on Yorkshire Radio showed his foreign policy skills at there very best as he described half of the world’s football leagues as ‘little tinpot organisations’.

#3 – Notoriously tough on crime, Ken Bates once suggested enclosing rowdy football fans in terraces surrounded by an electric fence. Not the most popular of ideas at Chelsea, and later rejected by the FA, but his uncompromising attitude would send a shudder down the spine of every prisoner and would-be thug in the country.

#2 – Britain would never again be seen as America’s lap dog with Ken Bates in charge. With such controversial views, countries would be falling over themselves to save face and distance themselves from Great Britain.

#1 – The number one reason for voting Ken Bates to be the next Prime Minister lends from the old philosophy that ‘a problem shared, is a problem halved.’ In this case, it goes so much further than simply halving the problem, but by inflicting his unique brand of leadership on all of the UK, we will have successfully reduced this problem several-fold.

Picture by The Beaten Generation. List compiled with thanks to the #TwitterWhites.