Without any real news to keep ourselves entertained with, here at TSS HQ we took a look at those that are teetering over the edge of realism and heading for a sharp nose-dive into the ridiculous.

We start with Darius Vassell courtesy of everyone’s favourite fascist daily, the Mail. He’s a player I’ve personally mentioned before in my ‘Five strikers with a Ken Bates-friendly price tag’ article I wrote before the season began. For me, Vassell is one of those strikers that has always failed to fulfil his potential, but at a cost of absolutely nothing, I did feel he may be worth a punt.

That was however, before the season began, at a time I was getting a little panicky about the options we had upfront. Furthermore, it was also before the return of Arsenal youngster, Sanchez Watt which in my opinion gave us a very different dynamic at the front.

If there is any truth in this rumour – and, given the source I sincerely doubt it – then I fail to see what Darius Vassell can add to the squad. When we switched to 4-4-2 against Forest, the key to it’s success was Watt’s pace mixed with Becchio’s strength. This is similar to the system we used when Jermaine Beckford was at Leeds, and if this is to be our style of play going forward we definitely don’t need Vassell.

The problem is that Vassell falls into a similar category as Becchio, Paynter and arguably Somma, so for the strong, battling striker we have plenty of options. It’s the pacey, opportunist striking role that Sanchez Watt played where we perhaps need strengthening, but even here we still have Max Gradel so will probably be OK.

For me, if we are going to add another striker it needs to be someone of real quality and a good age. Not a has-been journeyman looking for a last hoorah. I think Michael Green summed it up well over on ClarkeOneNil when he broke his no transfer speculation rule to write ‘An Empty Vassell’.

From the improbable, to the quite frankly ridiculous we land on the Patrick Viera rumour that’s making waves thanks to a child with a crayon editing his Wikipedia profile.

Before someone re-edits the entry, I took the liberty of copying the text for your enjoyment;

There now appears to be very strong rumours that Viera is havinmg his contract paid up and signing for Leeds United on a 3 year contract, 2 as player leading to coaching on the 3rd with possible extention. Source : 2 very well known Agents, 1 being the agent of Viera himself, Marc Roger.

I aren’t entirely sure where this rumour originated from prior to Wikipedia becoming a victim, but kudos to whoever has too much spare time on their hands for making me laugh.

Whilst Patrick Viera would be a very welcomed addition to the squad (even at 34) and the coaching role does add some substance to the rumour, if this does happens, you should keep an eye out for me running around Elland Road naked.

Finally, Betfair Football has today shown some love to Leeds United fans! Suspecting this was in response to my summer long obsession with the bookmakers never-ending LUFC rumours, I sent the authors a message on Twitter, to which they replied;

@ScratchingShed1 we’re very sensitive to any criticism, especially from our favourite Leeds blog.

Bless ‘em! We love Betfair really – your transfer rumours have provided us with more to talk about this summer than our actual signings did. Thanks for keeping us all entertained.

  • richard

    If Carlsberg did rumours, it`d probably be that one.;)

  • lufcjames

    hahaha Patrick Viera – that’s quality! Maybe they got mixed up with Patrick Agyemang?

  • James D

    That is the single greatest rumour I have heard, proof that we live in a world of nonsense, conjecture and idiocy. @TSS I will joing you in running naked around ER if we land the big Frenchman!

    • Craig

      @TSS @jdlufc

      Even if we do sign Viera your dignity is safe – KB wouldn’t let either of you on the pitch!

  • LSD&2Es

    You naked at ER?? Please god let it NOT be a TV game! ;)

  • Craig

    On the other hand, take a look at the list of midfielders City have on their books:

    Vincent Kompany
    Michael Johnson
    Stephen Ireland
    Shaun Wright-Phillips
    Adam Johnson
    Gareth Barry
    David Silva
    Kelvin Etuhu
    Nigel de Jong
    Vladimír Weiss
    Yaya Touré
    Abdisalam Ibrahim

    With the new 25 players rule, might it be ridiculous to suggest a 34 year old Viera might be free to leave? I still think its a ridiculous idea he’s coming to Leeds though!

  • Tim the White

    So why wouldn’t Viera come to Leeds? He won’t get a game in the Premiership and he knows how big a club we are from the games he played against us. We are in the championship now and should not underestimate ourselves. This is Leeds we are talking about guys.

    • Craig

      @ Tim the White

      It would be a coup equal to the signing of an ageing Strachan that heralded our last revival. I’m still not going to believe it though – the thought is making me too excited.

  • Dje

    I agree that Man City might ship out Vierra on a terminated contract (just one more embarrassment for the wasted money their managers like to doll out), but I can’t see him coming to Leeds and definitely not for three years. Why? The wages. If we we’re offering him a three year contract at his age, then we wouldn’t be offering him much per year! And I’ve no doubt that one of the Premiership Also-rans like Fulham or Wigan or Newcastle would rush in like fools offering him £35+k a week, twice if not three times what we could even possibly offer him.

  • Matt BB

    of the two i can see some truth in the vassell one inasmuch as grayson values experienced players in the squad, dickov, naylor etc, someone like vassell would add experience to the striking department, and even though he’s 30 he is still someone with plenty of pace. Viera, well where has that come from? I just cant see it happening unless as suggested its a move towards coaching, but we have a 39 year old manager so suspect he doesnt need a successor right now!

  • steve underwood

    well in a day of crazy signings who knows but can some one tell me how a club that spends every other week in court facing a winding up order can not pay last seasons transfer money they owe to motherwell then sign bellamy koumass etc

    • TSS

      @banditsteve123

      It’s a joke, isn’t it? There’s no justice!

  • steve underwood

    you could not make it up having said that cardiff squad now looks frightning do you thing they might let us have bothroyd

  • steve underwood

    did hear after the derby game that leeds and messi were linked only to find out it was the leeds defence they were talking about

    • Craig

      :)

  • tim campbell

    One thing you CAN put your house is that Grayson WILL sign a couple more players from the Premiership after squads are finalised – he has already said as much himself

    • Bill Fox

      I agree that 2 more will come and there are too many names linked to list but as I and others (djedjedje here) have said before it’s the wages that will stop the established ‘stars’ like Roberts, Viera (what a scream that would be)etc coming. It will be (surely!!) the striker and midfield general that will come but I expect a lower ‘name’ than those being touted today.

      As for Cardiff landing Bellamy I would like to know the split of the wage burden between them and City….

      • TSS

        According to the big national football writers, Man City are paying very little of his £95k a week salary and Bellamy has refused a pay-cut!

        • Bill Fox

          It’s just beyond belief that in Cardiff’s state they can fork out £45k a week or even more. As colin says, the train has left and it’s from platform -10.

      • Colin

        @captaincrash
        I heard that Bellamy is on £95k a week at Man City and that Cardiff are paying £45k a week.

        Cardiff need to get promoted or they’re on the first train to Administrationville (with stops at HMRC HQ and Motherwell)

        • Tim Wilsom

          And this is why I now only watch football and not take it too seriously. 95 grand a week to play a game you love. Bollocks.

  • Acid

    said rumour was on football-rumours website first, for dribblers of sputum obviously, I know the person who then laughed putting the rumour on Wiki, I also pointed out his spelling, but hey, it’s fun for all to see. Thing is.. is the rumour so wild and a none starter? Quite possibly, but nothing, especially with regards to Leeds, is a surprise. I shall not run around Elland Road naked though.. sadly my health nor my dignity would allow such pleasures.

  • colin

    Stephen Ireland sounds good for a loan deal,he’s not going to Vila.

  • Dylan

    Erm..just checked out the stats- Vassell scored 4 goals in the Turkish league last season- has he still got it (did he ever have it anyway?)? We have to stop worrying so much – it seems like worrying our tits off is a Leeds fan’s favourite pastime these days. When Paynter is fit we’ll be laughing. As for Viera…would be nice but can we afford him? We have to get real..this year is all about consolidation and strengthening our position as a Championship side. It’ll take at least 2 seasons in this league before we’re ready for the Prem. Still think we’ll beat the Millwall scum tho’. C’mon Leeds!

  • Dje

    Re: the Cardiff farce

    The only way to change such an absurd culture in football is to remove the privilege whereby football players, their agents, and teams owed transfer fees etc are first in line when the club they’ve signed for, or sold players to with fees pending via installments, goes to the wall and the administrators are called in. As it is, when the clubs go bust they are as good as guaranteed their money. Not so in the case of the inland revenue, shareholders, small firms that are owed money by the club etc.

    If you change these rules would players and their agents be so keen to sign on for a club like Cardiff – where there’s a great chance that in a month or two they’ll be asked to defer wages or find that they keep missing their wages in their bank accounts on time? wouldn’t it put pressure on a player’s agent to actually warrant his ridiculous fees by doing the due diligence on the prospective clubs financial prowess and credit rating.

    Equally, would Motherwell be so relaxed in agreeing part installment of transfer fees with such a calamitous club such as Cardiff, if in a months time it turned out that Cardiff was essentially bust, there is no money, their is no course of financial redress?

    Being a badly-run club should mean that only the desperate (out of contract players etc.) or the fool-hardy (Newcastle United or Man City) want anything to do with you, and not ‘business as usual’.

    Not that this is holier than thou talk either. We all know how abysmally our club was run under Risdale and the odd-bods who followed after him. We deserved not to be touched with a barge pole then, and currently there are plenty of clubs around that should be shamed by their footballing peers and rivals if they can’t acknowledge that shame themselves. Amen, and say your hail Mary’s.

    • Dylan

      Glad that Leeds haven’t got involved with this nonsense. Reminds me of the Ridsdale era and we can’t go back there. Revie and Wilko built their squads prudently and that has to be the Leeds way in the future. The fact that Ridsdale left us where we are still leaves me in a spin. Leeds will be back under Grayson- we need faith. Cmon Leeds.

  • Colin

    There has to be one last hurrah MASSIVE signing left in Leeds’ tank this season and I’m not sure we’re even close with these rumours. Who it could be though I don’t know.

    • Craig

      Well if Patrick Viera isn’t ‘even close’ Colin, what calibre of player do you have in mind? Gerrard? Rooney?

  • les irwin

    mancity wouldn,t let him leave to go where he wanted a rival but didn,t want him so they should pay his wages i would of had bellamy at leeds he is a twat but a fantastic footballer if we can have a pick of their mid field i would have stephen ireland on loan for a season .these premire lague clubs need to get lined up to form a partnership with champs clubs as they will have players they want to keep but cant keep in their squad for a seaon or 2 so loaning good ones out to champs clubs would benefit them and the clubs i would take at leasy half the arsenal reseves they would get us promoted

    • Craig

      Trouble is that if we could benefit from such a situation, so would our rivals and the general standard of the division would also rise. What would be the point of our famed Academy then?*

      * It could, of course, already be asked “What’s the point of our Academy now, given that young players seem to find it impossible to make a step up to the first team?”

  • Mike

    I know its only a football site but the grammer and spelling is aballing…….

  • Chareose

    …….i think the difference between Vassell and our current players is quality lol…… I think we as leeds fans are often guilty of thinking we are still at the top all the time. A premiership team in a championship disguise.
    TSS you talk of types of players and you are completely right, however most of our current squad are not even remotely comparable to Vassell in terms of ability……..and Watt ??? hes not a leeds player/ He belongs to a team called Arsenal and should he do well for us he will be waving us goodbye at the end of the season.

  • Matt BB

    Re Cardiff City : I’m absolutely astounded that finance houses are still taking Cardiff seriously, perhaps due to their owning the ground their position is stronger than ours, but before any pedants jump on me here this is a supposition.

    Other than this they will of course still have been in the second tier for about 6 or seven years now by my reckoning, so have had greater share of tv money, plus they too have made money from sales of players like Aaron Ramsey to Arsenal, and may well shortly be to make money from selling peter whittingham.

    You cant help but think though that the Bellamy deal isnt all its cracked up to be, He is s top quality player and to be honest I’m dreading facing him this season, he will tear the likes of Naylor, Collins and Bessone to bits with the pace he’s still got. What doesnt add up is the alleged £45K cardiff pay him a week? not sure if thats right? perhaps he is putting something into the deal himself via waiving parts of his contract? Just by way of clawing back something of his reputation, but it all seems unlikely, and more likely is that someone very wealthy has given Cardiff the funds to do this.

    I thinkVassell isnt like Becchio or Paynter, he is faster (certainly than paynter, and an excellent passer of the ball, insummary a better all round player as well as having a decent strike rate. His time in Turkey concerns me but lets be fair it wasnt a happy time for him, and Ankaragucu are not a top side, he probably thought hed be spending his weekends on the beach when he looked at his footballers atlas of places to go and play, and found Ankara in the middle of anatolia.. nice and dusty, and freezing cold in winter!

    I think hes got to be worth a punt, but we’re still short Messrs Grayson and Bates, to `compete’ we need that holding midfielder, and a pacey centre back probably moreso than the striker.

  • Hugh Fox

    I would have been exicted about vassell 8 years ago bt nt now.